I have 3 drafts started, all within the last 3 weeks, but so much has happened and time is so limited, I haven't had a chance to sit down and finish any. Hopefully I can keep my eyes open just long enough to get all of these thoughts out, and maybe find some relief that writing it all down brings.
We had our final IEP meeting last week. Leading up to it, I knew that they were considering putting Colin in preschool at the Elementary School, but like every other meeting with the team, they could not give any real insight. For those who don't know sitting in an IEP meeting is like sitting in a deposition. There is an enormous table, with teachers, psychologists, specialists, advocates, parents and children (Owen and Colin are both frequently at the meeting) sitting around. Everyone asks questions, and sometimes 3-4 times in a different way each time. Information that was presented previously is reviewed, and to be honest most times I feel like a bi-stander just watching it all unfold.
I expected to heave a sigh of relief after this meeting. I thought that I had at least an idea of what would be presented, and thought that maybe putting a plan in place would give our family the structure and help we desperately needed. When we walked into the room, we found 2 reps from the Board of Education, a Special Education Pre-School teacher, the Speech Therapist, Occupational Therapist, Head of Special Ed for Colin's base school, Kell, myself, Colin, and a friend and advocate that works for the Board of Ed. Just walking in was overwhelming. Immediately there was shuffling of paper, review of each previous meeting, hearing once again that Colin is indeed Autistic, and then a flurry of activity. Everyone seemed to be talking at once, the Speech Therapist requested to meet with Colin twice a week, the Occupational Therapist once a week, the advocate requested Picture Stories be made for Colin, the Special Ed teacher requested Colin have an aid, and all the while, I sat thinking "What does this mean?". As everyone continued to request services for Colin, and the Head of the Dept typed feverishly away, it seemed to me that we had skipped an essential step. No one had decided, talked about, or asked where all of these services would take place. Again, we heard that they wanted Colin to be enrolled in Pre-School, but not once during our current discussions, did anyone mention anything about a formal classroom setting. I started to panic, what if I needed to be home to provide this to Colin, what if they needed me to shuttle Colin from one appointment to the next. What happened to structure, why was no one telling us what the actual plan was for him, before deciding what steps would be taken?
Finally, the rep from the Board of Ed chimed in. "What do you want to see for Colin? What would you like for us to work on?" How do you answer that question when you don't know where your child will be, how all of these plans will work, what the new schedule will entail. As my face grew hot, and I began to feel clammy, I said, "Well I assume he will be in Pre-School, or a class somewhere, right?" And as ironic as it is, they weren't allowed, at that point in the meeting to confirm that he would be in Pre-School.
What kind of system allows an educated group of people to make a plan completely backwards? Why would you not determine where services are to take place before determining what services are to take place? Environment for any child is essential for learning, but a child with special needs certainly needs to have a consistent and structured environment. For some maybe doing all these things at home makes sense, but Kell and I both work full time. Kell's schedule is never consistent. I can't continue to take days and hours off of work, and assume that my employer will be okay with it. Why is it that we have to plan a plan for Colin and then decide where that plan will take place? Why, if everyone in the room knew that a classroom setting was best, could we not just say so.
I know that there are many teachers who will read this, and I would love for you to enlighten me. This process is so overwhelming for a parent. You walk into a room, hoping beyond hope that everything you felt was wrong, everything doctors and specialist said was over-exaggerated. A handbook is given, but is just full of legalities. No one tells you what each step of the process will be. I take that back, they tell you steps "A, B, and C", but leave out the rest of the outline, and there are many more steps than just "A,B,and C". As much as they want to tell you everything that goes on behind closed doors after the meeting, it seems that they can't. I don't understand. I want to hear worst case scenario, and find out that it really isn't as bad as I thought. In this situation, it seemed to me that we were fed the best case scenario, only to have it crash down on us each time we walked in the room.
Don't get me wrong, it hasn't all been bad, I am just disappointed in the process. Every single person we have worked with has been wonderful and supportive, and when I cry, they cry right along with me. I just hate that no real answers can ever be given in the appropriate time.
After I explained that I thought it was best for Colin to be in a place where he would be able to not only have one on one time, but also where he could learn to socialize, and be provided structure in his day that we could not currently provide, they agreed that a classroom setting was the best option for him. For those that don't know, services can be provided at home, and if I was a stay at home mom still, I may have opted for that plan.
Colin started Pre-School 6 days after the IEP meeting. Again, I thought that there would be this overwhelming sense of relief, but instead, I felt anxious. Colin is my youngest. He is riding a bus to school. He is only 3 years old. I am not mentally prepared for him to go to school everyday. He is supposed to be the last to ride a school bus, he should have 3 more years until he goes to school everyday of the week. I feel slightly robbed. I know it sounds selfish, and school will be the best for him, but dropping him off that first day, and watching the teacher carry him by the arm down the hall, while he kicked and screamed and fell to the floor every few steps just solidified my feeling. We cried together on his first day of school.
We are now a full week into school. Colin gets excited when he sees the school bus. Kell is in charge of putting him on the bus because he is able to help Colin get excited to go to school. The teachers, aids, and bus drivers have been wonderful helping us all make this transition. The bus driver even called me on Friday, after a big meltdown when Colin got on the bus, that left us both crying, to tell me that he was just fine. The teacher sends notes home daily, letting me know how he is progressing and transitioning, and after a "crazy mom" note, has even emailed me a few times. I think that Colin is already making strides. He repeats words much more now. He still doesn't offer his own words often, but he is stringing groups of words together.
I think that there will still be a lot of work ahead. It seems that with every day we notice his challenges more and more. I think that we are now more in tune with his needs, and learn his limitations daily. Kell frequently says that he "knows Colin is a genius, he just can't express, in words, his knowledge". I believe that, and am excited to hear his first meaningful sentence and watch the genius unfold.
No comments:
Post a Comment